Why Milk Must be Destroyed

One half of BEls' blog is Milk. Let's not dance around the truth. Milk is the Devil's drink of choice, so let me explain why we must join together to destroy it.

Milk is the primary culprit in lactose intolerance. What results from this? Sick stomach, gas, diarrhea, and swelling in your stomach. The impact of lactose intolerance is pervasive. You can't eat ice cream, cheese, yogurt and butter. Think of how delicious all these things are. No more pizza. No more chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. No more croissants. And what is to blame? That's right - MILK.

Think of all the horrible things that are done to cows, goats, and yaks in order to extract their milk. They are pumped full of hormones and caged into small spaces, with complicated machines attached to their private parts in order to extract the white gold. And guess what Milk is full of? That's right, Calcium, the number one culprit in Kidney Stones. And, not surprisingly, high Calcium intake is one of the suspected causes of Prostate Cancer. That means a finger in your butt, fellas. Milk is also full of cholesterol, which, incidentally, is the number one cause of Heart Attacks. Men who drink large amounts of milk significantly increase their risks of Parkinson's Disease.

And consider all the awful things that have developed around the Milk Industry. Ovaltine? Quite possibly the nastiest chocolate milk powder ever invented. Chocolate milk powder could be made from ground elk horns, bark, and mulch, and still taste better than Ovaltine. In an effort to expand it's dominance around the world, Milk has created the most disgusting drink on Earth - Soy Milk. It's horrible, but also horribly addictive. MILK has placed several addictive chemicals into Soy Milk that target the brain, and have an increased effectiveness against Vegans.

But any good discussion must include the positives of milk. Sometimes it tastes good, like when it's in cheese and butter. And it makes cereal better.

But that's it. MILK is clearly, indisputably, BAD.

MILK MUST BE DESTROYED - DEATH TO MILK & BOCCE BALL!